he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
