I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
