Barsexuality is the new black.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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