Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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