Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
