is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
