So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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