so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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