I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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