I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
