Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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