operation have a gay friend backfired
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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