the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
