the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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