I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
