i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
