smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
