I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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