I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
