I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
