you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
