Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
