my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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