Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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