ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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