Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
