this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
