dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
