Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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