why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
