on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
