My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
