it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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