Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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