it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
