forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
