Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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