dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
