So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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