porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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