Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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