The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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