you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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