It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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