you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
