Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
