he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
