i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
