I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
