I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
