I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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