Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
