Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
